Over 50% of the World’s Population is Under 30

…I’m now in the minority.

That’s right, it fucking happened. I turned 30. Yes, I am no longer cool. I’m an adult now, with an adult blog.. This web log will start logging this decade of my life now (gawd). This is what it’s all about apparently. Everyone’s like, “It’s the new twenty!” Fuck! I can’t believe the last ten years went so fast. Does life just keep faster and faster?? Fuck! (Sorry.. I gotta let it out here..). I’m sure that question has been asked before. Anyways, as I’m sure you’re all dieing to know – here’s how it all went down…

I awoke the morn of my 30th year to find the lawn covered in pink flamingos. This was a callback (read: “revenge”) from my father. 15 years prior I had littered his lawn with plastic pink birds and a “Happy Birthday” sign in order to celebrate his 50th. Thanks dad, it was a really good way to start my 3rd decade.

Later that night, after work, we met up with the pink flamingo culprit and my step-mom, Pam. I bought this bottle of wine in Italy when I was 20. I told the guy who was selling it to me that I needed a bottle of wine that would keep a really long time and make it on the flight back to Canada (I had been living in Italy but was planning on returning). This wine is kinda like this blog. I kept the wine for ten years, waiting to finish it on a milestone b-day. It was a 1995 vintage – a Brunello. 15 years old – half my age! Christ, when these grapes were grown and bottled the Blizzard of ’96 hadn’t even happened yet!! Anyways, we opened with my parent folk on my B-Day proper and it wasn’t yet vinegar but it did need a little time to open up in the air. We drank it and then it ended up in the recycle bin so quickly. It made me feel strange – like those ten years were just gone somehow. *sniffle

After we had some more cheese and convo, Christine and I went out to Stage, an extremly delicious wine and tapas bar. It started snowing on my birthday (as it does) and we had to cut it short and ask her sister to come and pick us up. We went home and had ice-cream cake with her parents. Thank you Kim, for the perfect cake! I love DQ ice-cream cake.

On Friday night after my B-Day, I went out with friends and family to get drunk and try and not think about the looming decade prior to my fourties. This was a lot of fun but after drinking so much that I threw up 3 times the next day, I vowed to never drink again until I was 40. We will see if that one holds up…

I kinda felt like I was making folks come out to celebrate. As a tradition, my birthday always sucks. Always. There’s Thanksgiving, there’s Christmas, there’s Boxing Day, New Year’s and then….. [drum roll].. my birthday!! I don’t ever want people to feel obliged to hang out or like they have to come. People always say shit like, “Oh! Don’t worry, I’ll give you the best party!!” and I’m always like, “No, really, it’s OK. I’m used to this time of year sucking.” Everyone wants to hole up in the middle of the winter and sleep after x-mas. I understand, I love you all.

Peeps be hav’n a good time anywayz.

Major convos and all…

“How much have you had to drink?”

Hey Cerbs!

Slippery V gets around.

Josh!

Vanessa!

Team Huddysport.

Stop drinking Mister!

“Just a leeetle beet more, I thinkink.. Just leeetle biit..”

I threw up 3 times the next day… 30!